Born to be Bald
by BabyStretch
Summary: Yes, it's YET ANOTHER Tom Riddle/Voldemort flippant fic. Why is he so bald? Why does he stroke his head like that in the film? Oh, come on, you must have wondered... : WARNING: SLASH
1. Golden Ringlets

**Born to be Bald**

Part 1: Golden Ringlets

Tom Riddle smirked slightly as he stalked up to his dormitory, Oh, it was hard for any Slytherin who was not pure-blood, but he was already gaining a reputation as a Slytherin who should _not be crossed._ Those sixth years would need some time to recover from _that_ hex.

If Tom had been anyone else, the sound escaping his lips might have been called a giggle, but of course Slytherin boys did _not_ giggle.

For a moment, Tom felt slightly light-headed, and wondered whether he'd kept a close enough eye on his pumpkin juice at dinner. And then the moment had passed, and he decided that his imagination was simply being over-active. Again.

In the dormitory, he gazed at his reflection in the mirror. Hmm... his robes were a very severe cut. Maybe a frill or two...? Or if he lowered the neckline slightly? Come to think of it, his robes did feel awfully tight here and... _here_.

To his shock and slight horror, Tom blushed. Boys did _not_ blush! It was a well-known fact! Why was he _blushing_?

Hurriedly, before he caught himself doing anything else too girly, Tom had a shower. He wondered, as he did so, whether he should buy some other shampoo. One with a more pleasant smell, like lavender... or roses...

---

The next day, Tom woke up with a barely-stifled scream. He felt... _wrong._ Not that it was a particularly _unpleasant_ sort of wrong...

He hurled that thought out of his brain before it could do any more damage. Surely he wasn't _supposed_ to bulge there!

Carefully, almost afraid of what he might see there (although Slytherins _never_ showed weakness), Tom looked in the mirror.

---

There were several wolf-whistles as the girl entered the Great Hall. Her ringlets cascaded down her shoulders in a pale gold waterfall as her dark blue eyes scanned the Slytherin table for a seat. Several boys tried to leer down her cleavage, but she got rid of them with a casual glare.

A fellow smirk from a fellow Slytherin girl decided her seat. She sat down, careful not to crease her robes, and turned to the girl... what was her name again...

"I'm Lacerta Zabini." She flashed a rather cold smile at the ringletted girl.

"Tatiana." And 'Tatiana' proceeded to tuck into her breakfast.

---

Nobody seemed to care much that Tom Riddle had disappeared – not even the teachers. But then, they were a little distracted with the appearance of Tatiana Maria Rigoletta.

Tatiana was not only beautiful, but very intelligent, too. Slytherin won a lot of points thanks to her prompt answers in class that day.

Several boys – and not just Slytherins – wasted no time in asking her out, but her answer was always 'no'.

And then a Gryffindor, Mark Fletcher, asked her.

"Hey, Tatiana! Look, I know I haven't known you long, but, well, you know... I really like you. Are you busy on Friday?"

Tatiana smiled gently. "Mark, I really like you too, but-"

A huge grin split Fletcher's face. "Great! Thanks! I'll see you at seven, in the Entrance Hall!"

Tatiana opened her mouth to protest, but the red and gold blur had disappeared into a crowd of fourth years. "But-"

Tatiana groaned and put her head in her hands. What had she got herself into?

---

The Slytherin Common Room was possibly the least private place in all of Hogwarts. Nevertheless, Tatiana had decided to sleep there, in case any funny things happened during the night.

It was a good thing she did, thought Tom when he woke up the next morning. And it was lucky that Hogwarts robes were unisex. And that 'Tatiana' had said she was "just visiting" Hogwarts. If Tom had anything to do with it, she would never be back.

And then he remembered that there was still the Mark Fletcher problem to solve.

He swore.

---

Lord Voldemort inspected his new body. It wasn't that different from his original one, although he wasn't sure that Wormtail could be trusted to do anything without botching it up somehow.

He reached up to his head.

_Good. No ringlets._


	2. Can't Hurt

**Born to be Bald**

Part 2: Can't Hurt

Tatiana put the finishing touches to her make-up, checked her hair one more time, and stood up. It was time to meet Mark Fletcher.

Tom had spent almost all of that week trying to find out who was responsible for his transformation into Tatiana. It was disgusting! And what was even more disgusting was that Tom had _liked_ it!

During his investigations in the library, Tom had found the potion that had... created... Tatiana and now – Friday evening at half-past six – he was putting it to good use.

If asked, of course, Tom would categorically deny any feelings for Mark whatsoever. But why else would he go to so much effort for a Gryffindor blood-traitor?

Tatiana schooled her features into a none-too-friendly smile and made her way down to the Entrance Hall.

---

From a distance, Hogsmeade looked beautiful by moonlight, reflected Tatiana dreamily. The buildings were old-fashioned, quaint little cottages, and the moonlight breaking between the clouds covered the village in a silver sheen that made it look out-of-this-world.

And then _Mark Fletcher put his arm round her._

Tatiana stiffened. She _couldn't_ get involved with him! He was a Gryffindor, a shameless halfblood - and _anyway_, she _wasn't female!_

But on the other hand, one cuddle couldn't hurt...

Tatiana snuggled closer to Mark and tried to ignore Tom's inner panic.

---

"Thanks for the date, Mark. It was- it was really nice." Tatiana smiled up at the nervous blond boy in front of her.

"Er- well- er... um- agh- eh, thassgood."

Mark was leaning closer... but Tom _couldn't_ kiss him, _Tatiana was a temporary creation,_ she couldn't take over his life...

There, Mark was within slapping distance now... but then again, _one_ kiss couldn't hurt, could it? Just one... after all, one cuddle hadn't done any damage, had it?

... and Mark almost stepped back as Tatiana launched herself towards his lips.

---

Tom sat alone in the Slytherin Common Room, staring at the ashes of the fire and wishing his head would stop spinning.

_I kissed Mark Fletcher_, he thought. _I kissed him and it was __beautiful_.

But he had kissed Mark as _Tatiana_, and Mark was in love with _Tatiana_, not with Tom.

It would never work... unless...

---

Marlene Fleming didn't know how it had happened – she didn't even know how she had become female – but once she had said she would date Tom Riddle, she had to keep her word, however weedy he may be. That was the Gryffindor way.

They had wandered the castle grounds together, and gazed down on Hogsmeade from the selfsame hill that Mark and Tatiana had visited a week before.

And when they reached the double doors, just before they went inside, Tom had kissed her. Because "one kiss can't hurt".

It was heavenly. Like kissing Tatiana, Marlene- _Mark_ – reflected. Come to think of it, _suspiciously _like kissing Tatiana...

---

Mark was himself the next day, more or less. He staggered down to the Great Hall, forced down a piece of toast, and wandered back into the Entrance Hall.

And there was Tom.

Mark seemed to be living the kisses again. He took an involuntary step forward-

Tom winked, and vanished into the dungeons.


End file.
